mind

To the sound of silence,,, into the far distance of a lost path resembling a labyrinth filled with stillness and awe,,, Into a space of nothingness ,,, of oblivion,,, towards a fantasy of translucent light, where darkness has colour and silence a painting of soft melodies and rimes,,,, To a place mysterious and unknown to human kind,,, towards a rainbow of deserted islands and shores, veiled secretly in the shadows of overlooked freedom impossible for any of them to find,,,
To a destiny unidentified and yet so safe,,, so lucid and clear,,, towards a coast where ships don’t sail,,, where loneliness doesn’t matter,,, and seclusion doesn’t affect,,, where the sun shines for only us,,, you and me,,, where the moon is the judge,,, so wise and fair,,,, where jasmine scents rule and hold the air,,, where stars don’t whisper,,, don’t blame,,, don’t doom,,, and twilight frees us from obscurity,,, dimness and gloom,,, To a place where the sea smiles,,, embraces and hugs us tight,,, and the sand around us dances ,,, a dance of love,,, of warmth ,,,of everlasting light,,, Let me take you to a vicinity where no one can judge or ridicule your thoughts,,, where no one ever questions or tries to understand,,, where nature surrounds us like a duvet,,,, like a shield and cover,,, accompany me to a dwelling that no one could ever reach,,, where words do not exist,,, and tears do not burn,,, do not leave traces of salt behind,,, take me on this journey into breaking dawn,,, allow me to be for always happily lost and forlorn,,,, permit me to vanish and never be found,,,, accept my every scar,,, my every wound,,, be there with me my saviour ,,, my ally,,, my mate in souls,,, be my improved perception ,,, my uncomplicated reflection,,, be my one and only understanding friend,,, be there to wake me from my dreams harbouring aptness and perfection,,,, be there to let me drown and dive,,, be my instinct,,, my impulse,,, my intuition,,,, be the urge for me to survive,,, be the one to help me deeply loose and find,,,,, be with me along it all,,, my precious,,, strange ,,, outlandish MIND....

06.september.2010

When You left...

Everything once so complete,,,, so fulfilled so accomplished shattered, broke and splintered when you left,,, When you left,,,, the clouds once so light and clear,, darkened and closed around the sun suffocating its rays,,, the ground once so even,,, fell away,,, the life once so meaningful turned upside down,,, and the time once identified by beautiful memories ,,,, suddenly stood still,,, Everything was suddenly brought to a halt,,, When you left,,, the importance of life was suddenly lost,,, the meaning and act of living perished,,, the need for movement vanished and the want for breathing evaporated,,, A hole,,,, something wider ,,,, bigger ,,,, and deeper than a crack,,, that’s what your absence punched into my chest,,, into my heart,,, into my soul,,, engraved into my blood,,,, a vast and empty void of sorrow,,,, of grief,,,, of loss , anger, pain, loneliness and disbelief,,,, Death of meaning ,,, demise of hope,,, bereavement of simple acts as understanding,,, as thinking,,, as moving,,, or speaking,,, or even breathing,,,, as if with every breath the hole only gets deeper and darker,,, and much more powerful,,, draining out more and more energy,,,, energy i do not seem to own to begin with,,,, You left,,,, still not believable,,, you left,,,, and when you left you left behind you a broken shore,,, an empty and deserted coast,,, a forlorn cracked rock,,, a shattered house caving in on itself haunted by soulless cold and defeated ghosts,,, you left a shadow of worthlessness,,, a silhouette filled with nothing but despair,,, a fading shape beaten out of spirit,,, burying itself in the sand,,, swaying along the harsh wind of the sea,,, you left behind an image of a person dead and yet alive,,,, a self unable to talk,,,, to think,,, to move,,, to even feel,,, a figure as cold as marble unable to cry ,,,, unable to scream,,, void of all emotions,,,, void of everything,,,, aware of nothing but the haunting dark foggy like numbness,,, unable to see colours or hear sounds,,, not capable of differentiating between dark and light,,,, between day and night,,,, unaware of anything besides the hot burning fire slicing through that empty hole of a chest only to stop seconds before the actual hit,,, to stare me right into my empty eyes and swallow me whole,,,, fire,,, blaze,,, burning,,, and yet there is no other pain than the needles penetrating my skin,,,, my veins,,, my blood,,, screaming “he left,,,, he left,,, he left,,,”
They correct me,,, they say you had no choice,,, they say you didn’t leave,,,, they say you were taken,,, but in the end its all the same,,, because you left,,, you left,,, and when you did ,,, you took away my strengths,,, my hope,,, my dreams,,, my trust,,,, my faith,,,, my beliefs,,, you took away things i didn’t know i possessed,,, you took away my will,,, my power to live,,, to smile,,, to walk ,,, to sleep,,, to wake up,,, why would i want to wake up when it seems such a painful thing to do,,,, why am i forced to wake to the same continuing and daunting existence of nothingness,,,, what is existence without you in any case,,, You left,,,, and along you there,,, many things indeed did leave,,, you took away the meaning of Meaning,,, the understanding of continuation,,, the importance of voices,,, of faces,,, the love and care for people ,,,but how can there be any love for anyone else,,, when you are not there anymore,,, how can there be such a concept when its not you in it,,,, you took away the ground from underneath my feet ,,, and the sky from above my head,,, you took along everything to the left and to the right,,, everything above and under,,, and dropped me like pantomime,,, with no strings to pull me back upright,,,, or hold me save,,,, when you left there ceased to be a place,,,, and yet you left,,,, How could you have just left and left me behind,,, how could you have gone,,, and not taken me with you,,, didn’t you promise that we are one balanced in two,,, how come then that without you Im less than half ,,, less than dead,,, less than anyone could ever be,,, how could you have just sliced me in two, taking a part that was already yours,,, and leaving behind a part that has always belonged to you,,, how could you have left me here,,,, where is here anyway? Who did you leave me to,,,, Did you leave me to drown into a sea of tears I’m unable to cry,,,, or to suffocate in the many breath I’m unable to take,,, why did you leave me here lying on this broken floor,,, why did you take away all warmth,,, all protection ,,,, all care,,, all meaning of who I was meant to be,,, don’t you know I ceased to exist for myself when I met you,,,, don’t you know that you were my home,, my identity,,, my saviour,,, my abode,,, my everything ,,,my spot on soul ,,,,so true ,,, how could you have left me less than broken,,, more than damaged,,, more than dead and yet far far less than alive,,,, how could you have gone and left me with no shield,,, with no shelter,,, no wish and prayer so loud and true,,, other than for mercy,,, for pity to let me break from the endless dawn,,, to follow,,, to leave,,,, to die,,,, and be with you,,,