"unnamed"

He stood there,,, staring longingly ,,,and yet not seeing,,, walking slowly without moving,,, searching for what he seemed to have unwillingly left behind,,, looking deeply into my eyes in which answers reflected he hopes to find,,,
Standing there so obviously shattered,,, so bewildered and lost,,, with his messed up hair,,, and mismatched choice of wear,,, his posture flailing,,, and his bleak and empty eyes darting back and forth ,,, his hands hanging loosely,,, his bare feet unable to move,,,, unable to shed those tears blocking his views,,, not trusting his voice ,,,, not trusting his words,,,, not trusting himself,,, unable to open his broken heart to share,,,
He looks at me,,, so unswervingly ,,, with grave sadness,,, with frustrated anger,,, choking temper,,, with quick and painful flashes of love and hate,,, of forgiveness and damning,,, of prayers and cursing,,, Looking like a man whose wings were broken by the wind,,,, like a sailor whose ship has sunk far and low,,, like a soldier who a friend to war has lost,,,, like a broken man who is losing against death,,, painful and slow,,, like a man whose hurt , pain, grief and loss goes beyond borders and confines,,, like a man whose world was blackened out of colour,,, a world once filled with beautiful songs and rhymes,,,
He spares me one last look,,, filled with disgust,,,, with self revulsion,,, with anger at the world that has cheated him out of happiness and trust,,,, he shakes his head,,, letting out an ugly cry,,, something between a painful scream and a sadistic laugh,,,, and then he turns,,,, he turns away,,, leaving me behind,,, walking slowly up that broken path,,,,
I shake,,,, I cry,,, I try to reach him and yet my strides won’t reach,,, restraining myself from calling after him ,,, from hurting him more ,,, when there is nothing left of him,,, how would he hear,,, when his heart had been torn by hurt,,, and his sight has been blinded by grief and fear....?
So I let him go,,,, and I watch a part of myself go and break along him,,, crawling back into my cave,,, into the shadow i reside and wait,,,, wait for endless nights and days,,, wait until all I can hear is that mans pain and his agonizing grief,,,, I wait until I hear her approaching me with her soft,,, careful ,,, quiet steps,,, wait until i can see her frail look,,, her paled complexion and her weakened soul,,,, wait until I can see how fragile she has become,,, wait until she steps forward shyly,,, damaged,,, shattered like a doll of china,,, until she sinks to the ground burying her face into those bony hands and starts to sob those heart wrenching tears mixed with words of anger,, of sadness,,, of anguish,,, of misery,,,
Wait until she screams,,, until she hits and slaps,,, until she kicks and crawls,,, until she loses all power and lies there with her shaking body to the ground,,,, and her bared soul to me,,, until she whispers about the injustice,,, about the loss,,, about the world that had cheated them apart,,, about the people who had separated her from her beloved,,, about his turning away ,,, about his leaving without a fight,,, about her lonely nights and empty days,,, about her dead trust,,, about her broken hope,,, about her shattered dreams ,,, about that hole inside her chest that makes long for death,,, for stillness for serenity,,, she whispers until even those sounds have no more energy to ring,,, until the pleas die away,,, and her sobs residue to streams falling down those dimpled cheeks,,,,
That’s when i remember her ,,,, that girl who used to dance and laugh,,, who used to sing and scream,,, that girl who about her beloved pages used to write,,,, him,,, that man once so fiercely built,,, that man once so filled with joy,,, with care,,, with pride,,, with love and tenderness for her,,, that’s when i remember them strolling down hand in hand,,, whispering to each other,,, smiling,,, laughing about the secrets they used to share,,,,
That’s when i cry,,,, out of hurt and grief for them,,, out of sadness for their past and fear for their future,,, how did they become like this i wonder,,, how did they become shadows of the perfect company i used to enjoy,,, and why are this once so happily grounded lovers burdening me,,,, why are they sharing pain ,,, grief and misery where no more i am able to bear,,,, why i wonder do people broken and damaged visit me,,,, don’t they know that there is no one shattered or damaged more than this aged ,,, battered ,,, forgotten,,, forlorn and empty sea....?

nasim mourtada 01.february.2011